As a flight attendant, you are the only thing standing between those mini bottles of vodka and hundreds of exhausted, stressed out, and sleep-deprived travelers. Half the time they don’t even see you. They look right through you to whatever it is they need to get through the flight and on to their destination. You become the means to an end. Vodka? Got it. Blanket? Right here. Can’t get your bag into the overhead compartment? Let me help you with that. In-flight wifi not working? Sorry. You’re scared of flying? Here’s some extra vodka. Flight attendants go through an awful lot and rarely lose their patience, but if you’re looking to push their buttons, here’s how.
Don’t Listen to the Safety Demonstration
You’ve been on a plane before. You know how this works so you don’t need to pay attention in spite of the fact that plane models and their safety procedures vary. Also, the flight attendants don’t really care that you’re reading your paper while they’re taking the trouble to stand up in front of you and explain information relevant to your safety. It’s not like it’s rude or anything, right?
Wear Your Headphones While Speaking
It’s cool. Flight attendants like having to repeat everything three times because you had your headphones on while they’re speaking. It’s easy to become so enthralled in a movie or song that you can’t see the beverage cart at your elbow or the flight attendant waving their hand in your face trying to ask if you’d like anything. Plus flight attendants and other passengers find it amusing when you shout your request because you can’t hear anything.
Forget to Say Please and Thank You
Flight attendants are basically personal servants who are simply there to offer you food and beverage, bring you a blanket, stow your luggage, and fix your personal tv screen if it’s not working. You don’t have to be polite or show some basic common courtesy.
Get Up And Walk Around After Pilot Has Asked Passengers to Remain in Their Seats
When the pilot comes on the loudspeaker to announce that he or she is turning on the fasten seatbelt light because of some turbulence up ahead, get up and use the restroom anyway. Stare blankly at the flight attendant when they ask that you return to your seat for your own personal safety.
Take Forever to Turn Your Phone Or Other Electronic Devices Off
When the flight attendant comes on the loudspeaker and asks all passengers to turn off electronic devices in preparation for takeoff or landing, disregard the message. Wait for them to come by and personally ask you to turn off your device. Then snap at them that you’re doing it as you continue to text or finish up that last e-mail.
Bring Extra Baggage
Completely disregard the carry-on baggage allowance and try to cram a huge and heavy bag into the overhead compartment. Become belligerent when the flight attendant suggests that it won’t fit and refuse to check it or allow it to be moved to another overhead compartment. Even better, pack down a down comforter into your carry on and let it fluff into the aisles. Flight attendants love that stuff.
Complain That the In-Flight Wifi Isn’t Working
Yes, it’s a new thing to have complimentary wifi on flights and the technology doesn’t always come through, but if they’re going to advertise it, they should make sure it works at all time. And if it doesn’t work, it’s the flight attendant’s fault. You should yell at them. That will solve the situation and increase their ability and willingness to fix it.